"That's history. It's behind us."

A good way to gauge whether the Dolphins excuses for their terrible decisions are valid is to see if the tactics would work on my girlfriend. One of the most idiotic decisions the Dolphins have made recently was trading Pro Bowler Brandon Marshall to the Bears for two 3rd round picks. Now, Brandon Marshall was not a nice guy. He has always had a thing for the ladies, and by "thing" I mean backhand. Still, his talent will be sorely missed on a team lacking it.

The Dolphins have tried to spin it as a possible good thing, because who knows how good the picks might turn out to be? It reminds me of an episode of Family Guy where Peter had to choose between a boat or a mystery box leading Peter to say "The mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat!" What we do know is our last four 3rd round picks: John Jerry, Patrick Turner, Kendall Langford and Lorenzo Booker do not equal one Brandon Marshall. Not even close. Only one of them, John Jerry, is even still on the team. Maybe Jeff Ireland will suddenly get lucky but it seems unlikely.

When the fans weren't buying the trade Stephen Ross started basically saying, "We were going to cut him so we were lucky to get 2 terrible picks." The logic seems to be "I did something dumb but I almost did something way more dumb." Is that valid? How would it work on my girlfriend:

My girlfriend: You traded my dog for lottery tickets?!?!?!?

Me: Yes I did. First off, these tickets might be able to buy hundreds of dogs. 

Secondly, I was going to give your dog away for nothing, so isn't this way better?

That logic would not work on my girlfriend just as it did not work on Dolphin fans.

Then, today in a press conference, Stephen Ross tried an even ballsier gambit. Asked about Brandon Marshall, he said “That's in the past. That's history. It's behind us. It's a trade. He wasn't cut. We got fair value and we think the football team is better for it.” Wow. He restates the "We could have cut him" logic and that we got fair value which we clearly didn't, but ballsiest of all was “That's in the past. That's history. It's behind us." which would be totally valid if it wasn't 2 weeks ago! Let's go back to that scene with my girlfriend...

My girlfriend: You traded him away without even asking me! You are a monster!

Me: You're still yammering on about that? Look. It happened, ok? Neither of us can change it now. It's in the past. We have to move on with our lives in the present and later the future.

My Girlfriend: I just found out 10 minutes ago and you haven't even apologized!

Me: It's history! There's no changing it! I don't have a time machine! Do you want to live your whole life in the past?!?!?

And scene.

It is history, but unfortunately history shows us that Jeff Ireland has made a ton of stupid moves that turned out to be exactly as stupid as they seemed (Pat White) and until we learn from our history (Fire Jeff Ireland) we are doomed to repeat it.