Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Bill Parcells is a Prostitute

Bill Parcells is a prostitute. It's no secret. Everyone in the NFL knows he will go anywhere and work with any team for the right price. He has now gone through 4 teams since he left the Giants, never staying more than 3 years with each team. We knew all this, but we were desperate so we hired him and for a while, he was our prostitute.

Like all prostitutes, he came to us with his ground rules. He would not coach, he would not work as a GM and I did not see his contract, but there was probably no kissing on the mouth. We were so desperate he even got a clause that if ownership changed, he could leave anytime he wanted. He knew we were desperate so he didn't come cheap. He signed a 4 year deal for a ton of money to turn the Dolphins around.

The beginning was great. He helped turn a 1-15 disaster into a 10-6 playoff team the first year. We were so happy we didn't want it to end. But then ownership changed and he saw a way out. He took the money the Dolphins left on the dresser for him and split, leaving the Dolphins with the blue balls of a half-built team. They say you don't pay prostitutes to come over, you pay them to leave but it would have been nice if he could have at least finished the job first.

If that was the end of it, it would be disappointing but understandable. We knew what we were getting into with him and we got it. Then in January of last year, Ian O'Connor reported that while Parcells was still drawing a paycheck from the Dolphins, he was instrumental in the Jets hire of Rex Ryan as a head coach. That's right. He was turning tricks on the side... with our arch-enemy... FOR FREE! Is Rex Ryan a better coach than Tony Sparano? Well, one of them is now working for the other.

Now, to rub even more salt in the wound, Parcells is considering coaching the Saints this season. All we can do is stand around with our blue balls feeling stupid that the prostitute who took our money, gave freebies to our rivals and left early is now considering doing all kinds of stuff for another team they had told us was off-limits. I hope he goes to the Saints and I hope he is an absolute disaster for them. I know it's a dick move to wish disasters on New Orleans after everything the city has been through, but that city was poorly built.  I believe it was renowned city planners Jefferson Starship who said if you want your city to thrive you don't build it on jazz. You build it on rock and roll.


  1. Nice Blog and I agree 100% the Big Tuna Casserole is a Prostitute of sorts. I'm with ya not hating on the Aints if they hire him, but will bask in all their losses this season if Big Turda takes over. I did also support Tebow but will now root against him playing for the J-O-K-E-S and love seeing them implode with him on board also!! Can our South Beach Bengals sink any lower....guess we'll know here shortly.

    1. Thanks, man. Yeah, all we can hope is the Jets will find a way to suck worse than we do. We could also hope to luck out with a good QB in the draft, but let's not go crazy...


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