Monday, November 24, 2014

Get to Hate a Jet: Michael Vick

We all saw the Dolphins choke in the 4th quarter for the 3rd time this season. Everyone said this game would show us where we were at as a team and unfortunately it did.

Now on to the horrible team from New Jersey. If you're new to the site, you should know I'm not fond of the Jets and because we're playing them next Monday, it's time for another entry in the exciting series:

Why hate the Jets as a group when you can hate them individually? That's why I started this series so we can give the Jets the specific, personalized hatred they deserve. Previous entries have included Tim Tebow and Antonio Cromartie. Who is the target this week?
Michael Vick

As you might of heard, the starting quarterback for the Jets next Monday (Assuming God doesn't finally answer my prayers and kill the whole team in a fire before then) will be Michael Vick. I know right now you're thinking "But what could we possibly hate about Michael Vick? He seems so nice. Is he a litterbug? Does he leech off his neighbor's WiFi?". I admit that it was a real challenge to come up with negative things to dislike about him, but as a dedicated journalist I felt it was my duty to try my best. For the sake of simplicity, I've decided to just focus on the one terrible thing he's done that we're all aware of.

He's a Player on the Jets
Michael Vick committing his most unforgivable act
Of all the things Vick has done, choosing to sign with the Jets is easily the most abhorrent. 

I don't want to hear any excuses for him, either. I've read plenty of articles about how him signing with the Jets was a "cultural thing" and all the people around him "pressured him into doing it", but as adults we are each responsible for our own actions. 

I've also heard other people saying that I should forgive him because he signed with them all the way back in March, and surely he now regrets it. He only regrets it now that he is dealing with the repercussions (A 2-9 record). I think committing an act that heinous shows something about his character. If he's morally capable of signing with the Jets, what other horrendous things is he capable of. What kind of monster does something like that with no emotion.

I would like to see Vick fully apologize and also speak out at schools and other events to explain the dangers of the terrible thing he did so the vicious cycle doesn't repeat. It would be a good step to show he understands what he did was wrong.
Michael Vick doing some community outreach.
But forgive him? I think some things are just unforgivable. 

Sunday, November 16, 2014

The Dolphins Need to Drop the Miami Habit of Showing Up Late

Last night the Miami Dolphins took down the Buffalo Bills in a great game. While it wasn't a perfect game by any means, in Kyle Orton the Dolphins finally found a mediocre Bills QB they could stop after falling to EJ Manual this season and Thad Lewis twice last year.

Once again, we had a slow start on offense before turning it on in the second half. We are currently  25th in the NFL in first half scoring (9 points) and 1st in the NFL in second half scoring (15.9 points). This leads me to a huge way the Dolphins can improve their team.

The Dolphins Need to Drop the Miami Habit of Showing Up Late

There's a huge list of positive things that have come from South Florida culture (Pollo Tropical, Cuban Coffee and Trick Daddy to name a few) but one bad South Florida habit has taken hold of the Miami Dolphins this season and that is the habit of showing up late. For a city built on cocaine, Miami as a city is surprisingly laid-back. Starting times for events are often taken as suggestions. Watch any Miami sporting event and you'll see a lot of fans arriving a half hour into the game (or for the Florida Panthers, not at all). While you may think showing up late makes you look cool, in the NFL it makes your team look incompetent and unprepared.

I'm obviously not the first person to point this out. When your team averages more points in the 3rd quarter (11.3) than they do in the first half combined (9), that is going to draw some attention. While some try to suggest it shows that they are making smart half-time adjustments, it makes you wonder why the entire week of film study and practice they had leading up to the first half didn't lead to a better showing. If we are going to have any chance against high-scoring offenses like Denver next week, we are going to need 4 quarters of play. So Miami Dolphins, by all means keep the Publix subs, the sandals, and the Cuban sandwiches but please stop showing up late.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Put Our Best Players in Cryosleep

Brent Grimes on Ice
I've never had to watch a child of mine die right in front of me, but if I do I can at least be comforted knowing I've already seen something more painful. Twice this year the Dolphins have had the lead in the waning moments, only to watch an NFC North team plow down the field with ease and score last-second touchdowns. It feels the way the final fight in Karate Kid must have felt for the parents of the Cobra Kai. 

Obviously in both games, we made a number of good plays and both the Packers and Lions are great teams so it's tempting to try to see them as the kind of "moral victories" that mediocre teams like ours thrive on. Since our last playoff appearance in 2008, we've hovered between 6-10 and 8-8, the kind of mediocrity that keeps you both out of the the playoffs and out of position to get elite draft picks (Not that Jeff Ireland would have done much with them anyway. ::cough:: Dion Jordan,)

To add injury to insult we also found out we've lost Brandon Albert for the season. Even with him, it seemed unlikely we could take the next step to be elite and things definitely haven't gotten any easier.

It's especially frustrating because some players on our team are playing out of their minds. That Brent Grimes pick was one of the coolest plays I've seen in a while and Cameron Wake has been a beast all season. The problem is that those players are 31 and 32 respectively. If we ever put a team on the field good enough to make a real run at a Super Bowl, what are the odds they'll be young enough to be part of it? That's when I got an idea that may or may not have been influenced by me seeing Interstellar.

Put Our Best Players in Cryosleep

Locker Room of the Future

Since our last Super Bowl win (It's been a while), we've had a lot of great players, just never enough of them at one time.  We've had Pro Bowlers at almost every position, just never enough on the field to get us to the promised land. At the same time, we often do well enough to not be in position to get elite draft picks.

My plan is to put our best players in cryosleep to preserve them until we have enough talent to be an actual threat to win the Super Bowl at which time we will thaw them out.

Of the players on our current team, I'd probably go with:
Cameron Wake
Brent Grimes
Mike Wallace
Olivier Vernon
Mike Pouncey
Ja'Wuan James
and I'm strongly considering Jarvis Landry.

I'm not entirely sure how much cryosleep costs so I may add more players if it's cost effective. Yes I know the technology doesn't technically exist yet, but how hard could it be. I'm sure Stephen Ross has the cash to make it happen.

It also has tons of advantages:

1. Preserve Talent

For too long, we've had to sit by and watch as talented players on our team aged and got hurt with no supporting cast to get them to the next level. We had one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time with no running game or defense. We had Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas in their prime with no offense to put points on the board. If we had started this plan last week, we'd have an elite left tackle with 2 healthy knees waiting for us on ice.

2. Their Contracts Won't Be So Overinflated in the Future

While some of our players are a bit overpaid in today's dollars, by the time we need them, inflation will have made their contracts much more reasonable. Mike Wallace is probably a bargain in 2043 dollars.

3. Better Draft Picks

While our most talented players are in the freezer, we'll be racking up top draft picks who we can also freeze if they turn out to be decent players. If we draft the way we have for the last few years, we should have an elite team in just 20 or 30 short years.

I'm sure the players union is probably going to bitch about how this plan somehow "infringes on player's rights" and shows that we are "depraved monsters" who only care about winning, but progress always has it's speed bumps. Besides, basic human decency is a small price to pay for a team that can finish a game in the 4th quarter.