Replace the Secondary with the Cheerleaders

You saw the same game I did yesterday. I saw it on TIVO because a friend of mine got tickets to see the Eagles play the Jets at the Meadowlands. It was my first trip there, and believe me, it's everything you would imagine it would be. I hate the Jets a lot, but when I say they are a New Jersey team, people like to argue. If you are ever have any doubt, go to a game there. Everything you hate about the Jets is there in full effect. Every douchebag who has cut you off and given you the finger, every jerk who has told you, "This ain't cold, I grew up in Hackensack and it would snow everyday for month.", when it's 40 degrees in Miami, every single one of those guys were at this game in Wayne Chrebet jerseys. Watching them lose was nice, but watching the scoreboard as Miami was in the process of allowing the Browns to score 41 points was not. 

I was wearing a Miami Dolphins sweatshirt and an Eagles fan asked me why I wanted to torture myself by liking them. Why not just like another team? It reminded me of that scene in Office Space where someone asked Michael Bolton why he doesn't just change his name if he's tired of people mistaking him for the awful singer. He looked at the guy and said "Because I'm not the one who sucks." I liked this team before they drafted Jason Allen, before they chose Cam Cameron as their coach, before they acquired Joey Porter. If someone needs to change it's them. Here's one way they can improve.

Replace the Secondary with the Cheerleaders

Braylon Edwards, about to run into an 87-pound brick wall

If we are going to put players out on the field who do not know where to be, who are unable to make tackles, we should just use the cheerleaders. They are already on the field anyway. They have watched the games, so they probably have a basic knowledge of the Dolphins' playbook, which should, in itself, at least move them in front of Jason Allen on the depth chart. They are athletic and flexible. They don't get paid a ton, which would help with the salary cap and they are considerably easier in the eyes than our current secondary (That opinion may vary by gender). Plus, they seem to be optimistic and which is one thing this team and organization seems to be fresh out of. In 2005, it was after the Dolphins lost to the Browns that coach Saban gave a fiery speech that asked what kind of team they wanted to be, leading the team to win the last 6 games straight. I don't see that in this locker room today. Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas don't even look angry anymore. They look sad. They look like 2 guys who have given their lives to an organization that could never get its act together. Maybe having some players with a track record of cheering people up would help turn some of those frowns upside down. I want this team to be at least as optimistic as I am. In 2004, the team was 4-12, but one of those wins was against the seemingly unstoppable New England Patriots. I want there to be one guy in that locker room that believes that is possible this year.