Sunday, September 23, 2007

Demote Jason Allen to Janitor

Nick Saban drafted Jason Allen in the first round last year thinking he had found a double threat (cornerback-safety), but since joining the Dolphins, Allen has proven himself to be more threatening to his own team, whether it's blowing his assignments or getting dumb penalties like the one he got against the Jets yesterday. The team originally saw Allen as a safety, but after missing all of camp in a contract dispute, he proved unable to learn the Dolphin playbook and failed to gain a starting spot. After a full year of failing to grasp the position of safety, the team finally moved him to the easier position of cornerback, but this too proved too difficult for him to understand. How bad is he? Even when the Dolphins use seven defensive backs, Allen is still on the bench. This on a team not exactly overflowing with talent; a team where Travis Daniels, who made Randle-El look like Randy Moss, who got stiff-armed not once, but twice ON THE SAME PLAY by Thomas Jones yesterday is a starter. They had demoted Allen all the way to special teams thinking he couldn't possibly hurt them there, but he proved them wrong once again when he erased a 27 yard return by Ted Ginn Jr. with a dumb holding penalty.

Despite repeated attempts by his teammates to convince him how cool he would be if he started a dog-fighting ring, it looks like Allen is here to stay. Since the Dolphins have 9 million dollars in money promised to him, it's unlikely they will cut him, but because he has proven that every time he laces up his cleats he is a danger to the team, Jason Allen should be demoted to janitor. Obviously it will take him a few months to learn the position and he will never be trusted with any dangerous chemicals, but at least the Dolphins are getting something in exchange for their 9 Million dollars and wasted draft pick, even if it's just a sparkly clean floor. He'll probably forget which part of locker room floor he has been assigned to mop and get flagged for forgetting to use the "Wet Floor" sign, but at least the team is limiting the damage he can inflict. If he is able to master the job and move up the janitorial depth chart, he can be groomed for other more complicated positions like towel boy or team security officer, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

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