Ten Ways to Get More Fans to Come to Dolphin Games
1. Project other games on the big HD screen- Why waste that huge 137’ x 50’ HD screen on a game that has already been lost. When they played the Patriots and were down 42-7 at the half, they should have shown another, more competitive came on the screen in the second half so people would not have left.
2. Free Joey Porter valet service- It’s time he starts earning that $20 Million
3. Free dates with Cheerleaders to Season ticketholders- Let’s face it. These
Cheerleaders have not cheered well enough to let this team win. It’s not all their fault, but it’s time for them to do their part.
4. Lace all the food with LSD- Who cares how the team is doing when you can’t get the bats out of your hair?
5. Free Taser Giveaway Night- Combine this with the LSD food to produce the most interesting theme night ever, preferably when we play the Jets
6. Slot machines- These machines give fans a 1-in-100 chance of winning even when their team does not.
7. Ladies Night- “Are you crying because the Dolphins are losing, or are you just happy to see me?”
8. Free Wifi- Everyone likes Free WiFi, plus with the writers’ strike going on, there are a lot more people with laptops who have nothing to do on a Sunday.
9. Free beer every time the team gets a stupid penalty- If we can’t make our fans happy, we should at least make them drunk.
10. Pick Random Seat Numbers and let those people play Defensive Backs- Is an 8-year old girl really that much worse than Cameron Worrell?