Sunday, June 17, 2012

Get to Hate A Jet: Father's Day Edition

Happy Father's Day everyone. I hope you've all taken time today to hang out with your dad or at least called  to let him know that even though he's ill-tempered and emotionally absent, those mental scars have only made you into a more successful alcoholic. 

A little while ago I started a Get to Hate a Jet with my post on Tim Tebow, because I got tired of hating the Jets as a group and wanted to start hating them individually. So because it's Father's Day I've chosen a guy who is absolutely buried in Father's Day cards and macaroni art today.

Father's Day Edition:
Antonio Cromartie

Cromartie currently has 10 kids by 8 different women and he is expecting twins in November his wife bringing the total to 12. To put that in perspective, if his kids start a football team, one of them would still have to sit on the bench. In the future, no one will be able to complete passes because his army of kids will be intercepting them all. How does he remember all those kids' names? Very slowly. This is him trying to name them in 2010 when he (only) had 8 kids. (I posted this video on a Hard Knocks post a couple weeks ago but it just feels especially appropriate for today).

In his defense, that is a lot of kids and baby mamas to remember. Thankfully the New York Post made a chart to help him/us keep track.

These women have told a ton of stories to the Post that paint him as a less than ideal father. His ex-fiancee Rhonda Patterson, who he dumped a week before their $200,000 wedding and kicked out of their San Diego house while she was 6 months pregnant has said he only spent "a few hours" with their child since birth. While the Post isn't known for journalistic integrity and it's possible some of these women could be making some things up, it seems unlikely that that he is being a great dad to all 12 of these kids.

This movie was not meant to be a How-To
Thankfully, he has settled down with his wife, Terricka Cason. Well, kind of. Last month, cops broke down 2 doors at their house responding to a 911 call Cromartie placed after she texted him:
 “God forgive me, I don’t want to die. What have I done?” and “I cut my wrists. I took those pills.”
Police found no blood. It turned out she was just faking it to get his attention because she suspected him of cheating (Where would she get that idea?). When they brought her in for a psych evaluation she was surprised and said she was "exercising her First Amendment rights" which shows both her batshit craziness and her total lack of understanding of the Bill of Rights. Who knows? Maybe this is what it takes to stop him from cheating. More likely, he probably got a couple phone numbers at the psych ward because he's just that classy. Just one more reason to hate the Jets.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Brandon Marshall vs. Chad Ochocinco: A Crazy-Off

As you all know, last week the Dolphins signed Chad Ochocinco. We signed him to a pretty cheap contract and at the very least, the "Will he make the team?" storyline should make Hard Knocks slightly more exciting. Nothing makes for good reality TV like good old-fashioned crazy.

Now when I say crazy, I mean that in a different way than Brandon Marshall was crazy. They are both a bit nuts, but to paraphrase Super Troopers, Chad Ochocinco's shenanigans are cheeky and fun while Brandon Marshall's shenanigan's were cruel and tragic. There is no comparing their football skills because they are at much different phases of their careers, but you can definitely compare their craziness. I made this chart to try to show the similarities and differences between their mental illnesses.