Monday, November 19, 2007

Hunt Down and Kill Every Post-Marino QB

Despite a first half interception, A.J. Feeley finished the game, completing 68% of his passes with a touchdown, for a QB rating of 80.2. It was the second time this season this has happened. It hurts to lose, but it hurts worse to lose to a former QB who you gave up a 2nd round pick for, who did nothing for your team. That EXACT situation has happened to us TWICE this season. I don’t think I can bear the thought of Joey Harrington or Brian Griese having a career game against us, and there’s only one way to make sure of that. We have to hunt down and kill every single QB we’ve had since Marino. There have been 12 QBs to start since Marino left and 3 are currently on our roster, so we just have to kill the other 9. Some of you may be thinking, “Some of these guys don’t even play football anymore.” That’s what the Arizona Cardinals thought. Then Vinnie Testaverde, who recently turned 44, got a phone call. A week later, he beat the Cardinals. Now imagine how you'd feel if Ray Lucas did that to us. As long as these guys are allowed to live, there is a chance they can humiliate the Dolphins. We need to find them and prevent this kind of humiliation from ever happening again.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Move the Dolphins Back to the Orange Bowl

I’m sure the Joe Robbie family is made up of all great people, but we have to consider the possibility that they may have defiled an Indian Burial Ground when they built Dolphin stadium. In the 16 seasons (1970-1986) the Dolphins played out of the Orange Bowl, they had 5 Super Bowl appearances, 2 Super Bowl wins and a perfect season. For the 20 seasons (1987-2007) they have played out of Dolphins Stadium… Well, you know the rest. The Dolphins accomplished nothing while the Hurricanes won four national championships playing out of their old stadium. The University of Miami just played their last game in the Orange Bowl on Saturday (Which could have gone better), so now the stadium is finally vacant for the Dolphins’ triumphant return. Among other things, the stadiums’ smaller size will make more of the Dolphins’ games sellouts, plus hopefully they won’t have to play on a baseball field for half the season anymore.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Ten Ways to Get More Fans to Come to Dolphin Games

Last week, The Miami Herald ran a story that the Dolphins are trying to invite a few celebrities to games, offering air-fare, luxury hotel accommodations and some spending money. Thus far, only Terrance Howard has accepted. Mathew McConaughey declined the invitation when they were unable to get him a private jet flight to Florida, and P. Diddy said he would do it and then didn’t show. During the week, PTI made fun of this a lot with Tony Kornheiser saying “This is pathetic, the very definition of being a loser; having to pay people to come to your games.” This story is pretty embarrassing. Why the Dolphins want to draw national attention to a team playing the way our team has been playing is beyond me. Do they really think Dolphin fans are going to say “Who cares if the team is bad and the coach is not even working toward the future, we might get to be in the same stadium as William Shatner!” Obviously the money and time they are using (unsuccessfully) to try to bribe celebs into watching these crappy games should be spent on making the team better so these games are actually worth watching, but that message is obviously lost on Huizenga. This is the same guy who forfeited a home game so the team could Eurotrip, the same guy who spent millions on the world’s largest HD screen so Dolfans can watch their team lose in crystal clear 720p High-Def. If we are not going to make the team better, bribing celebrities to come to our games is not the best way to get fans in. Here are my ideas:

Ten Ways to Get More Fans to Come to Dolphin Games 

1. Project other games on the big HD screen- Why waste that huge 137’ x 50’ HD screen on a game that has already been lost. When they played the Patriots and were down 42-7 at the half, they should have shown another, more competitive came on the screen in the second half so people would not have left.

2. Free Joey Porter valet service- It’s time he starts earning that $20 Million

3. Free dates with Cheerleaders to Season ticketholders- Let’s face it. These
Cheerleaders have not cheered well enough to let this team win. It’s not all their fault, but it’s time for them to do their part.

4. Lace all the food with LSD- Who cares how the team is doing when you can’t get the bats out of your hair?

5. Free Taser Giveaway Night- Combine this with the LSD food to produce the most interesting theme night ever, preferably when we play the Jets

6. Slot machines- These machines give fans a 1-in-100 chance of winning even when their team does not.

7. Ladies Night- “Are you crying because the Dolphins are losing, or are you just happy to see me?”

8. Free Wifi- Everyone likes Free WiFi, plus with the writers’ strike going on, there are a lot more people with laptops who have nothing to do on a Sunday.

9. Free beer every time the team gets a stupid penalty- If we can’t make our fans happy, we should at least make them drunk.

10. Pick Random Seat Numbers and let those people play Defensive Backs- Is an 8-year old girl really that much worse than Cameron Worrell?